My blog isn't what I thought it would be

About a year ago I was dating a girl named Rachel who kept a blog almost religiously. She knew all the fancy stuff, like how to create an amazing header and actually create and hold a following of readers. My feeble attempts at a blog lasted a good three weeks and then they swiftly died. I thought I would get a few more things "out there" to the public--you know, I really like to write! ... I guess I should try again, and try to make things interesting. If no one reads, at least this will be a good way for me to sort through my thoughts in full view of the world, right?!

ANNOUNCEMENT: Dallen Kistfeldt proclaims himself "Supreme Arch-nemesis" to Neil Hiatt

Whew, What a Flu!!!

I have been sitting in this exact same seat for probably six or seven hours today, doing just this and that, and I really don't think it's been a waste of my time, like it sounds! I mean, I got to talk with Rachel for about four of those hours (ah the delight of chatting) and I've been watching 24 for most of the rest! Why all the time just sitting here, in my room?... I do believe that I got the flu from four different sources simultaneously, and those have combined together to make the disease of the century! I hope a pandemic doesn't break out! Lets thank Nathaniel, Ty, Merideth, and that crazy asian kid for that!!! Oh well though, if this is the worst it gets (and things really aren't that bad) then I'm fine being down for the next couple days.

My voice sounds funny though! :D Give me a call if you want to hear it.

Chiasmuses on a Sunday Evening

My parents go to sleep pretty early, sometimes 7:30 in the evening, and I'm left with not much to do but watch the television on low volume (barely audible) or else read (which I really like!). One of my more recent past-times is exploring all the stuff in my old bedroom--the stuff I haven't looked at in years. I find weird things that remind me that I really didn't have very good taste in clothes; that yes, I have loved writing for my whole life; and that I had funny looking ears as a little kid! :D

Tonight I found myself in the closet drawers looking through some of my mission stuff. I wanted to find some drawings one of my friends did for me while I was serving, but instead I came across some poems that I wrote while my companion was sick. At the time I was particularly interested in chiasmuses. If you're not familiar with what a chiasmus is, I'll get a simple definition from wikipedia.

Wikipedia says, "In rhetoric, chiasmus is th figure of speech in which two clauses are related to each other through a reversal of structures in order to make a larger point; that is, the two clauses display invertedparallelism. Chiasmus was particularly popular inLatin literature, where it was used to articulate balance or order within a text." In other words, a chiasmus is a type of poetry or writing that is reflective. The end matches the beginning, and continues from both ends until they meet in the middle. The scriptures are full of chiasmuses. Here are a few simple examples:

Mark 10:31:

a. But many that are first
b. shall be last;
b. and that the last
a. shall be first in all things.

A complex chiasmus, i.e., a-b-c-c-b-a, comprises more than four lines. An example of a complex chiasmus is shown in John 17:6.

a. I have manifested thy name unto the men
b. Which thou gavest me
c. out of the world:
c. Thine they were,
b. And thou gavest them me;
a. And they have kept thy word.

What amazes me is that some chiasmuses are pages long and comprise entire chapters (in both the Bible and the Book of Mormon). Because of the interest I had in chiasmuses, I decided to try a few. Afterall, I had a lot of free time on my hand, and what better way to express my feelings than through writing and poetry? Here are a few of them, which I never bothered to title:

Chiasmus #1

a. Those who serve
b. Jesus Christ
c. shall laud his fame
d. and pronounce
e. His works
f. to all nations.
f. Many nations
e. shall behold His works
d. and shall shout,
c. with glory and honor
b. to the Messiah,
a. and they shall become His servants.

That was my first attempt! I think it went pretty well, so I thought I'd try one a little more personal:

a. Taintless in spirit are the pure in heart, and their motives and desires are righteous and virtuous--being the ways of God,
b. but art thou, oh God, mindful of thy children?
c. The afflictions that torment even the grandest of souls are many, and joy is fleeting.
d. It departeth quickly at times
e. and escapes the eyes and ears.
f. Oh, my God
g. Hedge not up our way, but the way of our enemies,
g. that our enemies may not prevail and stand above us victorious.
f. Holy Messiah
e. Seeing Thy hand and constant interventions we behold thy goodness,
d. and they refresh us.
c. Our afflictions, thou sayest, shall be but a moment, and our joys soon everlasting.
b. Truly Thy watchful eye guides our paths, even our very movements
a. and the pure in heart are reclaimed by their faith and works, and they shall sit with thee, restored and holy forever!

Hip Hip Hooray for Christmas Vacation

This song means SO much more to me right now, after my last test!

I Guess Einstein Was Right!

Yesterday was one of the most surreal days of my life. It was filled with a bunch of potentially stressful things that weren't necessarily stressful, but that really isn't the point here. My point is somewhere in the middle of the day when I was trying to take a nap, and the time/space continuum must have bent or folded or compressed in around me for a while and offered me a little extra (and needed) sleep.

So I had just gotten done with a final. It was one of those really EARLY finals starting at seven a.m., which, in my opinion, make absolutely NO sense whatsoever! Anyways, I came home, goofed for a while, and decided I had about an hour or so to take a nap before the rest of the day's activities. I laid down at about 11:40 planning to wake up at 1:00.

After sleeping a little while, I woke up naturally and looked at the clock. It read 12:35. Perfect! I still had a good 25 minutes to sleep, so I immediately dozed off again. Shortly thereafter, I woke up again, and the clock read 11:55! WHAT? In my delirious, half-conscious mind, I simply thought, once again, "PERFECT!" and realized how beautiful of a nap I was having. I was a little bit weirded out though. I gently dozed back to sleep again.

Not long after, I woke up a third time and the clock said 12:25! What was HAPPENING?!?! I decided to make use of this twist of fate and time that the universe had disposed upon me, and went back to sleep.

When my clock finally went off, I rolled out of bed and laid on the floor. My phone clock read 12:56. My clock and phone definitely aren't set to be in sync, or n*sync, if you will. I laid there a little longer, said a prayer, got up, put on some clothes, and then laid back down. All of this took about what I would say is four or five minutes, but when I looked at my clock again, it still read 12:56!

Maybe I was high somehow, or maybe, just maybe, light-speed theory was coming into play. According to the equation:



Time proper is relative to the integral of the derivative of relative time over gamma. Gamma is expressed as:

You can see in the first equation how they substitute gamma in for the rest in the final equality. Well, time proper, which was my own reference frame, was not coinciding with the relative time that the rest of reality was experiencing for some reason. What appeared to be 1 hour of sleep for the world may have, in fact, been 3 or 8 hours of sleep for me. This means, that I was moving at normal momentum while everything else was traveling at high speeds around me. In the second case, I was the one moving at intense speeds, while everything else was stationary, but causing my time to be slow.

Just a theory... a ridiculous one, yes, because finals are over, and I'm bored, but a theory nonetheless. And I'm kind of mad at myself that I've actually become a physics nerd after this semester.

BYU Scholarship Application

Not only is this essay exactly 300 words, but it's also only one grammatically correct sentence!

Essay #1
Please write a brief biographical sketch about yourself. Limit your response to 300 words.

As I sat at the computer, struggling to organize my thoughts on how to write a biographical sketch and understand exactly what a top-notch, state-of-the-art scholarships committee would require of a man not yet 22, distracted by the sound of a baby crying in the distance and an earlier meal that just wouldn’t seem to digest, knowing that not even a Dickens novel could encapsulate the array of characters that make up one Dallen Kistfeldt, I knew a committee of educators, handsome and intelligent devils that they are, picking from amongst hundreds—maybe thousands—of applicants, uniformly writing the same dribble, wouldn’t want to hear all the mumbo-jumbo about how I grew up in a small town with my school-teaching mother and older brother, making my way through Payson High School and captaining track and cross-country teams—no, they wouldn’t care to hear about my mission to San Jose, California; and as I reached for the fruit decorated tumbler of Juicy-Juice that sat next to my monitor, it became clearer and clearer to this home-spun, humble servant of the meek and down-trodden, that a successful essay about my math award for outstanding achievement in AP calculus, or my credentials as an amateur pilot at UVSC, or my love for sculpture and aspiration to become an author seemed quite out of reach; and, almost falling victim to a nasty case of discouragement, which creeps in so quickly and hits suddenly like a cold breeze or a flaming arrow to the breast…no, I think I’ll just sit back a moment, kick up my feet, stare at the imitation Rembrandt hung thoughtfully by the landlady on the library wall, and be satisfied in knowing that at least I, Dallen Kistfeldt, whose mama never taught him the word fail, did not buckle under the awful weight of conformity.

... I didn't get the scholarship.